Dad-isms

Every dad has a few sayings that they’re known for, and my dad is no exception.  I love knowing exactly what he’s going to say in any given situation.  It’s comforting…and comical.  The following is a list of my favorite Dad-isms.  Only, he’ll usually add “Moodle” to the end of each phrase because that’s what he calls me.  And for all of you smarty-pants readers who think it’ll be sooooo outrageous and funny to call me Moodle – go for it.  I’m sorry to report that I probably won’t notice because it’s what I’ve been called for the past THIRTY-SIX YEARS.  I’ve only recently trained myself to respond to “Molly.” 

“Cute as hell”:  This phrase is used after someone has described something – ANYTHING — as cute.  He often repeats it.  Me: Wasn’t that a cute movie dad?  Dad: Cute as hell.   Me:  Cute top!  Dad:  Cute as hell.   Me:  Awww, Roper is so cute!  Dad:  Cute as hell, Moodle, cute as hell.

“You’ll be a star”:  This phrase is used whenever you’re about to do something big like go off to college or take an important exam, and maybe you’re a little worried about it.  Dad is always there to tell you that you’ll be a star.

“It will all come out in the wash”:  Sometimes you AREN’T a star and you really screw up.  That’s when Dad pulls this one out of his hat.  Failed a test?  In Dad’s world, it’s like a stain on your shirt.  Gone after the next wash!

“Things have a way of working out”:  Ok, maybe it didn’t come out in the wash.  Maybe that failed test is getting you kicked out of school.  Don’t worry, things have a way of working out.   You were probably meant for other things, like begging on the street corner.

“Weirder than skaditch”:  I think this one came from dad’s favorite radio hosts, Robin and Maynard.  It’s similar to “cute as hell” but used whenever something is described as weird.  That lady selling fake crystals on the corner with her hairless cat at her feet?  She’s weirder than skaditch.  I don’t know what skaditch is, but it’s pretty weird.

“Isn’t that nice”:  This is Dad’s standard reaction when opening a present.   He opens it, holds it up, smiles and announces “isn’t that nice.”  You give him a tie, isn’t that nice.  You give him a car, isn’t that nice.  You give him a turd wrapped in a moldy piece of bologna, ISN’T THAT NICE.  Still smiling.

“Super”:  This is Dad’s favorite response on the phone.  Me:  I got a promotion!  Dad:  Super.   Me:  I’m doing chores.  Dad:  Super.  Me:  My head fell off, rolled down the alley and a rabid raccoon played soccer with it for two hours before eating my eyeballs out of their sockets.  Dad:  Super.